I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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