she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
