I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
