Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
