Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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