I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
