He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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