I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
