38 yer olds are good kisserssss
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's shark week go big or go home
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
