My nipple is on Facebook.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
