dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
