you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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