I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
