I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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