You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
