Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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