just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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