But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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