remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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