Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
