My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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