i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
