so explain again why im purple
no
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
