I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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