Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
