I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
