We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
FUCK WHALES
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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