Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
