I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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