Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
