I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Four minutes until I can fart!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
