You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is Oprah even human
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
