i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
