Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
