I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
