Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
