that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
