woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i need some magic done to my vagina
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
