mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
