so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
