To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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