47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
