All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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