I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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