Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
