He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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