i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
