hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
