i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
