i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
