Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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