I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
