Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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