hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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