whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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