I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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