OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho