we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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