FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
