You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.