If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now