Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
