haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
