Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
