just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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