I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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