I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize