Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You ate ashes out of my bong
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
