first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
