What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
