been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
