Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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