just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
