you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
