I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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