I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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